My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
