my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
