Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
