I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
