you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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