I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
