I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
