This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
