she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
