a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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