I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
