she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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