Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im just a social blackout drinker.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
