is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This is not my ceiling
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
