Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
