Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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