made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
