I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
