when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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