Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
