We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
