i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
