He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I enjoy the company of your penis
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
