How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found the puke drawer
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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