yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
