Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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