sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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