I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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