I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize