oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
