Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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