Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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