sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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