if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
