Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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