Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
