Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
