That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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