I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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