I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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