Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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