So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
