guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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