There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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