So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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