he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
