I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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