Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
