I molested 6 butterflies tonight
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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