textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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