But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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