This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
