i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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