great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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