I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
