I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
