Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
