You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
