so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
