He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
