I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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