WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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