can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
