I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
