I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
