my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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