Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just took my morning after pill in the library
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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