I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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