would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
